Hard Candy Review

This was great!

THE MOVIE: CRITIC'S TAKE

This is one of those movies that word of mouth is its only saving grace. This movie came out in 2005 way before we knew who Ellen Page was. The movie was directed by David Slade and co starred Patrick Wilson. This movie went down as one of the most disturbing pieces of cinema in the decade of the 00's. Because of this tag I had to give it a view. I must say this story is very disturbing but still manages to give great performances and tell an emotional story about child molestation, rape, and revenge. A must see for all.

STORY

It begins where all predators go to find their victims...an internet chat room. Jeff, played by Patrick Wilson, convinces Hayley, played by Ellen Page, to meet in a coffee shop. There they talk about their interests and their attraction to one another. They then decide to go to his apartment to take some pictures of Hayley. You know the safe perverted kind. She fixes him a couple of alcoholic drinks that may have been too strong for him. While he's taking the photos of her he passes out on the floor helplessly. Turns out Hayley isn't who she say's she is.

Hottie

She ties him to a chair and informs him that he was drugged for a very important reason. She wants him to admit the truth about his secret life and tell her why he did what he did. There's one problem though. He claims that she has the wrong guy and that everything he was doing was being done because of his loneliness. They go back and forth with her accusing him and Jeff stating his innocence. She goes through his personal belongings and finds some of his dirty secrets. None of them are jail worthy, however, until she finds his secret stash of photos taken of the victim. At that point it looked as if Jeff was lying all along but was he?

Child Molester

The pictures were the last straw for her and she begins to torture him. She ties him to a table with his pants down ready to perform an operation. She's going to cut his balls off!

I'm going to cut your balls off!

He tries to escape but can't. He admits to some truth of what happened but still says that he isn't the killer, that she has the wrong guy. Her head is as hard as a mule and doesn't believe anything he says. Before it ends the truth is revealed but it still leaves many questions to be answered. Who is Hayley and where did she come from? Did Jeff really get outsmarted by a teenager? And my favorite question...did she really cut off his balls?

ACTING

If this film wasn't so controversial it would have gotten two Oscar nods for best actress and best actor. Ellen Page gave her best performance she has ever done here. The chemistry between her and Patrick is phenomenal. You really can't tell if he was lying or telling the truth and if Hayley was really a nut. Ellen was able to keep her kiddie features while acting like a real evil witch. Both these actors shined on film.

They need oscars

SPECIAL EFFECTS

The cinematography here was one of the best I've seen in any film. The director filmed this beautifully. Everything pops out at you in detail and looks crisp. The blood seemed real enough for the injuries that they suffered but the art work and cinematography is what makes this film look so great. It's real eye candy for the eyes.

Hard days work

WRITING AND DIRECTING

The film was written by Brian Nelson and directed by David Slade. These two will work together again on 30 days of night. Brian did a great job with this story. The dialog is dead on and believable for each character. There is no such thing as cheesiness here which makes this movie enjoyable. David is a great director and this film is the reason why he is a success today. I don't think I've ever seen an independent film shot this well.

Little ride riding hood?

THE END

Despite it's disturbing content this film is a must see. You won't regret watching this piece of cinema history. The acting is one of the best I've seen ever. The director and writer were a great team together that made this film worth while. Buy the DVD and give it a view privately or with your boyfriend or husband. I'm sure it will make him think twice about wronging a woman.

I'll never follow my penis again

STORY 8 out of 10
ACTING 9 out of 10
SPECIAL EFFECTS 8 out of 10
WRITING 9 out of 10
DIRECTING 8 out of 10

OVERALL 8 (MUST SEE)
 
 
 
 

Psychosis Review

Cool poster

THE MOVIE: CRITIC'S TAKE

I'm sure most of you never even heard of this film. I didn't either until I heard some information about this movie from a website that I was visiting. It stars the very beautiful and talented Charisma Carpenter from The Buffy the Vampire Slayer series and Angel. Because of her I decided to give this film a chance. After viewing it I came to the conclusion that this movie is god awful and Charisma's good looks is not enough to save this film. This film makes Season of the Witch look like an Oscar contender.

STORY

The film begins with a bunch of horny english people camping out in an evironmental camp in rural England. They are having fun, unknowingly that a serial killer named Josh, played by Justin Hawkins , is watching their every move. Once seperated he starts killing the horny combatants one by one. Flash forward a few years later and a horror novelist named Susan, played by Charisma Carpenter, and her mate named David, played by Paul Sculfor, relocate to an England home not too far from where the killings happened.

I'll still hit that

Soon she encounters Peck, played by Ricci Harnett in the woods having sex with an english woman. Needless to say this man was not impressive in anyway. Like most women would she ran away hoping what she saw wasn't real. She began to have visions of disturbing imagery, orgy parties, sex, and anything that the catholic church would deem taboo. Her husband is a good digging bastard who tries to exploit his wife so called illness. She eventually meets up with this serial killer and has sex with him unknowingly. If I was her and woke up next to that I would vomit and want to kill myself.

Let's pray

 The story here is pretty one dimensional even though it tries to prove that it's not. The ending did have a unique twist but with the actors involved, the way it was shot, and the unattractive sex scenes this story is a complete waste of time. It had the potential to be something decent, maybe even great, but comes off like a face plam of garbage. Avoid at all costs!

Queer fight!

ACTING

What acting? I have never watched a film that lacked so much chemistry and believability. To think a woman that looks like Charisma Carpenter would do anything with that man is absurd. I doubt she would even let him hold her bag. He tried to be seductive but came off looking like a dirty perv. The acting here made me want to puke. I found better acting in Jason X than I did here and we all know how dumb that movie was.

Great film!

SPECIAL EFFECTS

One word...horrible! The special effects looks like something out of a high school movie. The blood looked faker than a porn stars boobs. This movie is low budget and you can tell. I felt like I was watching a rough cut of a film than the final product. I think the studio needs to pull this ASAP and make some major changes. It's already the worst film in 2011.

Please...

WRITING AND DIRECTING

The movie was written by Michael Armstrong and Reg Traviss. Complete and utter garbage. The dialog has no life to it and the story in itself is quite boring. He wrote many sex scenes to probably grab your attention but the people weren't that attractive to pull it off. The story could have been intriging if it was in the hands of better writers.

It was directed by Reg Traviss as well and his directing is patheic. I have never seen a film directed this poorly. Some of the scenes seem as though he favored a certain side of the camera. Hardly are there any scenes in full view. The sex scenes are laughable and the pace of the film is slow and boring. He has a lot to learn if he wants to get far in this business.

Lucky bastard

THE END

Stay away! Run away! Don't watch this garbage. It's a complete waste of your time and energy. Don't make the same mistake I did. I'm trying to sue the stuidio for my money and time back. I'm pretty sure I'll win.



STORY 1 out of 10
ACTING 2 out of 10
SPECIAL EFFECTS 1 out of 10
WRITING 1 out of 10
DIRECTING 3 out of 10

OVERALL 2 (SUCKS DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME)
 

Vanishing on 7th street

Creepy

THE MOVIE: CRITIC'S TAKE

This movie has been floating around for awhile waiting for a theatrical release. I heard some good things and bad things about this movie for some time now. When I finally came across a copy of this film I decided to give it a view for myself. Given the cast I was expecting good things from them. I was expecting to be entertained with the mystery surrounding the characters. I have to say that I wasn't disappointed but I can see why this film has yet to be widely released.

STORY

The story begins with Paul, played by John Leguizamo, working his theater shift at AMC. Shortly the lights go out and everyone has vanished leaving their clothes and screams behind. Paul finds another survivor and they both search the grounds for any more. Paul's headlight goes out while shining the light for the other survivor and is taken away abruptly. Needless to say Paul jetted the hell out of there or at least it seemed.

I should have quit

The story quickly jumps to Rosemary, played by Thandie Newton, and Luke, played by Hayden Christiansen. Rosemary was in a hospital when this occurred. She was looking for her baby when she came across a man on an operating table awake and still cut open! The man wasn't in pain long because the lights went out again and he vanished into thin air. Luke awoke oblivious to what was going on. As he called for his girlfriend, I presume, he was being closely followed by shadows inside his apartment. It wasn't until he walked outside that he found out the horrible truth. Most of the people in the city have disappeared.

WTF

3 days later and every light source has almost been consumed by the darkness including the sun. Luke finds himself alone looking for food, water, and more light sources. He comes across a bar that still has juice in it. He takes a brief look around before deciding to have a nice drink. When the lights start to flicker he finds the generator and notices it is in bad shape. He also finds a little boy named James, played by Jacob Latimore, holding a shotgun ready to fire. After a few tense moments James finally lets down his guard and the gun. Luke and James begin to bond while throwing back a few shots of alcohol and telling each one their stories. Yes the little kid does drink in this film. Luke is about to leave when Rosemary burges in looking for her baby.

This has to be a nightmare

Rosemary is acting like a crazy person trying to find her child. After she is calmed down she shares her backstory about what happened. Soon after they hear a man cry out for help. Luke doesn't want to do it himself but he doesn't want the girl to do it either. Seems like Luke is having an inner conflict with himself. He doesn't know if he wants to be a hero or an asshole.

I feel the force

The man turns out to be Paul! He was hit over the head with something and couldn't move. Once Luke gets him to safety he tells them all about Roanoke and what happened to the people there. This starts a debate on why they are here and why this is happening. Luke isn't trying to hear it and wants to find a way out of the city. He knows there's other survivors in the Chicago area and wants to reach them. He comes up with a plan but one by one the 5 survivors begin to vanish.

We aren't alone

By the end of the movie there is only two survivors. I won't give away who or what but the ending was unique in its own way. You won't be able to guess what happens throughout the film because the film is quite unpredictable. They had a good story to tell and they did just that. This story will leave you with something.

ACTING

The chemistry in this movie is not a problem. It's Thandie Newton's over-dramatic performance that is. In some scenes she went over the top that made me giggle a little. I was left thinking "Was all that necessary?" She did a performance that would have stole hearts in a drama movie but for a film like this it seemed a bit too much. I know she's suppose to feel for her baby but when the viewer is about to laugh his ass off at her, something isn't right. She needed to tone it down a notch.

Are you my son?

Hayden and Jacob did good jobs but the real star of the film is John. He stole the movie away from the others and had more of a story to tell. John Leguizamo is one of the most underrated actors in film and this movie proves that John can hold his own as a staring man. Things don't seem to flow right when John isn't on camera and you can almost feel it through your screen. The film is decent by itself but John is the reason why you should watch this film. He really brought this film to life.

Spotlight

SPECIAL EFFECTS

For this low budget film the special effects were very good. I thought the shadowy figures were done well. They pop out at you at times that gives away a feeling of fear. The landscapes were lively despite the lack of people on it and the environment seemed real enough to be hell. Being afraid of the dark is never fun and the special effects team did a great job returning that childhood fear. I will never look at a shadow the same way again.

WRITING AND DIRECTING

The movie was written by Anthony Jaswinski. He did a great job with the pacing of the film. The dialog seemed natural given the plot. He gave us a saying that some my find cheesy but I think fits right in the story. "I exist." Is heard throughout the ending of the film from its victims. It made you think that there was hope when you knew there wasn't any.

The film was directed by Brad Anderson. Most of this film is shot in the dark. It is very hard to film in the dark but this directer made it look easy. I was surprised on how good it looked and the detail of the film. It reminded me a bit of 30 days of night. I'm sure this director will find work again in the horror and thriller genre. He made a film that is full of suspense.

THE END

If you can find this film give it a view. You will either love it or hate it. If you're a fan of John Leguizamo give this a view. The film isn't perfect because the writer let these characters do stupid things to drive the story and there are some situations involving children that may be uncomfortable for some viewers. I think this is the real reason why this film isn't in theaters today but overall the film is quite enjoyable. Watch it with the lights off if you can. You might find yourself looking around more than you should.



STORY 6 out of 10
ACTING 6 out of 10
SPECIAL EFFECTS 7 out of 10
WRITING 6 out of 10
DIRECTING 6 out of 10

OVERALL 6 (GIVE IT A TRY)
 
 
 

Tron Legacy Review

Took them long enough

THE MOVIE: CRITIC'S TAKE

I first saw a piece of this film at Comic Con a few years back. It was a test run to see how the public would react. The reaction went well and Disney decided to put this film into production. Fans anticpated the finished product for months, drooling over every little piece of information. Once the official trailer broke everyone was astonished and sitting in awe of the special effects and the Tron world. This film had high expectations and it did not disappoint for the most part. I got what I paid for.

STORY

The story beings with Kevin Flynn, played by Jeff Bridges, telling his son a bedtime story. Not any story but the story of Tron. This will be the last night that his son will see him again for a very long time. Fast forward about 20 years later and his father's company has gone to an elite organization to a struggling one. His son Sam Flynn, played by Garret Hedlund, is the majority share holder who does nothing for the company accept play games with them. He ends up arrested for pulling a risky stunt that could have killed him. Alan, played by Bruce Boxleitner, pays Sam a visit with some happy and disturbing news. He claims that he received a page from Kevin's arcade. He asks Sam to go there and check it out but of course Sam refuses. Curiosity quickly takes him over and decides to check it out. This was proven to be a huge mistake for him but also an adventure of a lifetime.

Nice fireworks

As soon as he arrives he is immediately taken to the gaming arena by the programs foot soldiers. He is suited for battle by 4 beautiful women known as Sirens.

Boner alert

Soon he meets his first opponent and wins. After beating another he goes up against the champion of the game named Rinzler. Rinzler defeats Sam and is about to kill him but notices something that the other players couldn't do. Sam was bleeding red! He takes him to Clu, played by a younger version of Jeff Bridges, that tells him what he needed to know and then some. Clu doesn't like Sam at all and sends him to the Grid to compete in a Death Race. Before he's killed he is saved by another program known as Quorra, played by Olivia Wilde. She takes him to the real creator of the game... his father.

I'm the man in this bitch!

His dad tells him how he was trapped in the game and why he never returned. Sam wants to leave and take everyone with him but his father warns that everything that's happening is due to Clu. Clu wants them to escape so he can also enter the real world. Sam doesn't obey and finds himself talking to a club owner named Castor, played by Michael Sheen. They want to find a program named Zeus. He knows a way around Clu's defenses and they think he can help. Turns out Zeus isn't the person they hope he would be. He manages to get Kevin's disc and inadvertently gets Quorra captured. Things are not looking bright for the father and son.

I've come to kick your ass

They devise a plan to get his father's disc back and save the girl. An action pack adventure ensues that I'm sure you will enjoy. Sam ends up saving the girl but loses his father in the process. Even though the ending was predictable it fits well for the story. Everyone got what was coming to them and then some.

You're getting some tonight

ACTING

This movie won't be nominated for any Oscars this year but overall the acting was decent. It's not much room to act in a movie like this so the chemistry was a give and take. Garret and Jeff didn't feel like father and son at all. The transition from hating him to finding out the truth and loving him again didn't come off well. Garret was forcing his emotions that made his scenes seem stale. Olivia had a stunning image that made her watchable but her acting in this film wasn't top notch either. Then again who was watching her for her acting anyway.

I want to be in her... world

SPECIAL EFFECTS

This is where they earn their bread and butter. The 3D here is the best I've seen since Avatar. Some things do shoot at you but it's nicely done. This movie looks great in the dark and in the light. The bikes and planes are breathtaking and the fight scenes were the best I've seen all year. Tron will be hard to beat in this department and filmmakers need to step up their game in 3D if they want to surpass this film. The effects alone is enough to watch this film more than once.

Awesome

WRITING AND DIRECTING

The movie was written by Adam Horowitz and Edward Kitsis. They did a great job with the pacing of the film. The film isn't too long and the downtime between action scenes are plausible. The dialog however is a bit cheesy and will make you cringe at certain parts. They tried to be cool but came off geeky and stupid. The film was directed by Joseph Kosinski. For a first time director he did an amazing job. The shots he made will blow your eyes out of your socket and he truly mastered the illusion of light and dark. I can't wait to see more of his work because he has a real future as a director.

Too damn bright

THE END

See it in 3D. There is no other way. You will have fun watching this film with friends and family. I know I did. If you're not a 3D fan then become one. The 2D version is also good but it won't give you the full effect of Tron. Either version will give you the full effect of Olivia Wilde though!

DROOLS

STORY 6 out of 10
ACTING 5 out of 10
SPECIAL EFFECTS 9 out of 10
WRITING 6 out of 10
DIRECTING 8 out of 10

OVERALL 7 (GIVE IT A VIEW)
 
 
 
 
 
 

Salo (Or 120 days of Sodom) 1975 Review

I feel sick already

THE MOVIE: CRITIC'S TAKE

Not to many of you heard about this film. The reason being is because it's banned in many countries due to their intense rape scenes, fascism (eating feces), and torture. All involving young men and women younger than eighteen years old. I heard about this film through word of mouth despite its age. I wanted to see how crazy this film was for myself. After viewing it I can honestly say it's not a film for everyone and that's putting it lightly.


STORY

The film is set in a small town in Italy. A group of boys and girls are kidnapped by four very rich men with sick servants to display their need to act out their sexual and disgusting fantasies. The movie is split up into four parts: Dante's inferno, The circle of Shit, The circle of Manias, and The circle of Blood. These stories tell what happened during their 120 days at the palace.

It begins with an examination of the captures. We learn that most of them are virgins and grew up in catholic schools or were home schooled. One poor girl had to watch her mother die in front of her eyes before being taken away. Soon the tortures begin with the women being stripped naked and forced to serve everyone dinner. A female gets raped and loses her virginity while a man dances around showing everyone his ass. He too gets in on the fun and has sex with the male guard while delivering a pleasing smile. I didn't know what was more gross. The actually sex act or him smiling.

Disgusting

Later on we see a man named Duke take a dump on the floor and make one of the captures eat his shit! This scene is very graphic and disgusting. It gets worse, the entire group of teenage boys and girls gets served a giant meal of feces for their dinner. Things don't get any better in the film. The boys are forced to marry the four men and then have sex with them. The women continue to get raped and tortured all along while being humility. Before this movie is finally over the group of men and woman are then killed via the means of scalping, branding, tongue cutting, and eye gorging. A sick film for a sick mind.

Awwwwwwwwwwww

ACTING

The acting here is pretty good. You can feel for the captures and want to hurt the people that are doing those things to them. The villains here are as sick as ever and had sinister grins on their faces. There was a point in time where people thought this movie was real. That was later proven false but the film does give off a very real vibe.

SPECIAL EFFECTS

They did a great job with the effects here. From the torturing to the shitting, everything looks as real as it can get. If you make the viewer want to vomit at the sight of your work then you know you did a good job.

WRITING AND DIRECTING

The film was written and directed by Pier Paolo Pasolini. I don't know what possessed him to write this but this is some sick stuff. The dialog is as twisted as it can be while keeping a professional tone to it. The way it was filmed made it look real enough to have a legal system take a look at it. Despite the dark and disgusting feel to it, it can be viewed as a piece of art. A piece of sick art but art non the less.

Just kill me now

THE END

If you can stomach it then give it a view. You can find it on Blu Ray now at some stores but don't think you'll find it at a Walmart or Target. Keep in mind this film is very graphic and not for the weak at heart. If you want to watch a piece of cinematic history then go right ahead. I don't regret watching this film I just regret not watching it with a bucket.



STORY 4 out of 10
ACTING 8 out of 10
SPECIAL EFFECTS 7 out of 10
WRITING 5 out of 10
DIRECTING 8 out of 10

OVERALL 6 (GIVE IT A TRY)
 

Season of the Witch Review

I hate the IRS

THE MOVIE: CRITIC'S TAKE

This is one of a million Nicholas Cage movies that he did for a paycheck. I was hoping that this movie would be good or at least decent for the most part. When the film first started and I heard the score I thought "Well this can't be all rubbish." Then the first five minutes was over and I thought "Yep not rubbish... this is a pile of crap!" Not any pile of crap though but the smelly, stupid, and wish you had spent the 90 minutes watching Showgirls again type bad. This movie sucks!

STORY

We start out with a priest in the 13th century killing three women. He believed that these women were witches and were doing terrible acts against god. He hung them over the bridge breaking their necks. The other servants of god refused to do the proper rituals that would keep them from returning. The reason being is due to complete laziness on their part. You can guess what happens next.

Get the fuck out my face!

That's right! The witch comes back to life and kills the priest. Fast forward to 100 years later and the crusades are taking effect. Nicholas Cage and Ron Perlman are knights fighting for the church. After a few battles they witness something far more disturbing. The church is killing women and children during the crusades and these two men want no part of that. They choose to leave the war and make a living on their own. Thats when they come across a village plagued with a deadly disease.

The villagers find out who they are and captures them. During their capture they encounter a young woman being accused of being a witch and causing this plague of illness. For some reason Nicholas Cage's character decides to feel for this woman. He and Ron Perlman take up the Cardinal's offer to take the witch to the monastery so the super monks can perform the proper rituals to save the girl and most of Europe.

Come closer and I will bite!

Cage recruits a few more people to help him on his journey. Along the way he encounters some obstacles. Those obstacles are mostly do fault to the accused witch named Anna, played by Claire foy. She seems to be playing head games with the men that gets one of them killed. She escapes from their grasps and plays a short game of hide and seek. Naturally the men go crazy and some try to kill her despite knowing that her strength is above them. Luckily they reach the monastery in time to find out the dreaded truth that Anna isn't a witch but a woman possessed... literally.

It's not my fault my parents were ugly

The demon was tricking them so he can get his hands on the book of Solomon. It wants to free the evil contained within the book so the world can be consumed with darkness. After an uninventive fight they succeed in their journey and free the woman from the demon and save the world. Too bad they couldn't save most of their friends and the movie as a whole.

ACTING

What can I say here? The acting was well...not very good. Nicholas Cage was miscast for this role by a long shot. The only chemistry he had was with Ron Perlman. The others he seemed not to really care about. The best person in this film to watch is of course Ron Perlman. He made his role believable and had chemistry with everyone he had a scene with. You would think he should have been the lead but cage has the bigger name. If only cage cared it may have been decent... but I doubt it.

I should have been the star

SPECIAL EFFECTS

The effects here are nothing special. The wardrobe looked cheap and the surroundings looked more like studio backdrops than real nature. The demon looked horrible and it's not a complement. Some of the makeup was decent for the dead and dying and the score was good but that's about it. Try not to laugh when you hear the demon speak. It was cheesiness at it's best.

Herpes?

WRITING AND DIRECTING


The movie was written by Bragi F Schut. The dialog here is ok at best. The actors made the dialog better than what it was and that's saying something. This movie went by too quick for anyone to really care about the characters and that hurt the film. It was directed by Dominic Sena. This has to be the worst picture he ever directed. It's not the camera work that was bad but the budget he had to work with. He tried to film an epic on a low budget film. Big mistake on his part. His tactics made the film look worse and more of a high paid B movie.

THE END

Skip it. Run away from it. Try to forget about it. Do anything you can to avoid this garbage. It's a true waste of time. This has to be one of the worst films by Cage in his entire career. I hope he starts doing better movies soon because his career is floating in the toilet ready to be flushed.



STORY 3 out of 10
ACTING 2 out of 10
SPECIAL EFFECTS 4 out of 10
WRITING 2 out of 10
DIRECTING 3 out of 10

OVERALL 3 (DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME)