Battleship Review (Minor Spoilers)

Hollywood is fucking high

THE MOVIE: CRITIC'S TAKE

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Yeah that's how I feel for wasting my damn time!


STORY


The one question that dwindles in our minds are if we're alone. In this movie that question was answered when scientists found a planet that is in the right spot to create life. They decided to send a message to the planet, hoping to make contact. This proves to be a stupid move. Commander Stone, played by Alexander Skarsgard, is having a hard time keeping his brother in line. He is a loser that would rather steal a chicken burrito for a hot girl than to get a job. Due to his latest fuck up Commander Stone tells him that he has to join the Navy or be his little bitch forever. He agrees but only because that little stunt of his won him the heart of the beautiful Sam, played by Brooklyn Decker. Yes you can roll your eyes now.

Like him

He is trying to ask her father if he could marry her (like that matters now a days) but he is too afraid of him. That's because he knows that he's a major fuck up and doesn't deserve his daughter. He eventually gets told that he's getting kicked out of the Navy and this will be his final test run. Distraught he and his team set out to the waters for a testing drill, when they come into contact with deadly aliens. This turns into a heated battle of wits that only the navy, of many different countries, can fight. Can they put their differences aside and win the war against worlds? You can guess the answer.

Yeah good luck with that.

ACTING

Horrible! I felt that Taylor Kirsch character was more of a special needs student than an actual Navy Seal. Rihanna did a great job when she wasn't trying to be a bad ass. She came off cute and funny but her acting like a soldier was cringe worthy. I can see her doing comedies or having smaller roles but action is not for her, at least not yet. Alex and Liam Neeson was the best ones here but there isn't enough screen time for them for you to enjoy. Shame because they could have saved this film.

O get a damn room

SPECIAL EFFECTS

The only good part about this movie. The effects are great and eye popping. I loved the battle scenes because they did get you off your feet. The CGI is great and it does not disappoint. I wish I could say the same for everything else.

The only good thing

WRITING AND DIRECTING

The film was written by Jon and Erich Hoeber and directed by Peter Berg. I don't know what the Hoebers were thinking but the dialog is a mess, the characters suck, and nothing is believable. The directing, however, was great. Peter did a great job turning this boring movie into an action packed adventure. I actually wish they went the Michael Bay route with this film because the writers need to learn a little something about character development and telling an intriguing story.

THE END

Don't bother watching it. I urge you to save your money and see the Avengers again. This is a complete waste of time. I can say that the action and special effects is the only reason I'm not sending this into the toilet. One of the worst movies of the year!

OVERALL

STORY 2 out of 10
ACTING 4 out of 10
SPECIAL EFFECTS 8 out of 10
WRITING 3 out of 10
DIRECTING 7 out of 10

OVERALL 4 out of 10 (SKIP THIS PIECE OF CRAP)