American Reunion Review (Minor Spoilers)

Yummy!

THE MOVIE: CRITIC'S TAKE

I always wondered how this group of characters would turn out. Would Stifler finally grow up? Would Jim and Michelle last as a married couple? And most importantly did Finch continue to bang Stifler's mom? All those questions were answered and then some in this comical sequel involving the original cast. I received a free screening and was delighted to see it two weeks before its release. I won't give away a lot of spoilers but I will say that the film still has the same feel of the other three and it's a must see.

STORY

It begins with Jim, played by Jason Biggs, and his wife Michelle, played by Alyson Hannigan, trying to put their baby to sleep. They finally do and they see an opportunity to get busy, but not with each other. It leaves Jim with a bloody dick and Michelle being caught with the shower hose. Jim learns that his ten year reunion is being held and hopes to get the gang together to relive their best memories. They all agree but doesn't want Stifler around to mess up their bond. Stifler is now someones bitch and wishes that he was still in high school again. He catches his friends at the bar and wonders why he wasn't invited. Luckily he's a dumb ass and they trick him into believing their BS story. They will wish that they would have shown some balls because Stifler got the party started and their lives almost ruined.

O yeah!

Wild antics ensued! Jim got involved with a high school student that wanted him to take her virginity. She wasn't going to take no for an answer and Jim spent most of the movie trying to fight her off and not give in to temptation. Oz, played by Chris Klein, has a wild and horny girlfriend that may be too much for him. He meets up with Heather, played by Mena Suvari, and her backstabbing boyfriend. Together they learn that they should have ended up together but will that be enough for them to rekindle their old flame? Finch manages to get into some trouble and fun of his own and Stifler is well Stifler, getting into trouble and causing mayhem. It was fun to watch.

SHOTS! SHOTS! SHOTS!

ACTING

I couldn't find anything wrong with this department. Everyone had chemistry together. I enjoyed seeing Jason and Alyson together again. They looked so cute together. Chris and Mena pulled off the long lost lovers role pretty well. The man to see here was Sean William Scott. He brought this film to life with his whack humor and silly facial expressions. Every time he was on screen I couldn't help but laugh. I guess It's good to make movies with friends.

Class of  99

SPECIAL EFFECTS

The effects here were pretty funny. I enjoyed the lighting and the atmosphere the most. They didn't shy away from the crude humor and you will see lots of tits and ass and male penises swinging your way. One female actually squirts in Stifler's mouth which made him look like he stuck his head into the toilet. It was disgusting but very funny.

Pretty!

WRITING AND DIRECTING

The film was written by Jon Hurwitz and Hayden Schlossberg. They did a great job with keeping the story at a decent pace and not neglecting any of the main characters. The dialog wasn't too bad either and nothing seemed forced. They wrote some good humor that will make you laugh out loud. Some of their problems were a bore but most of it will grab your attention. The directing is the best in the series. Nothing seemed out of focus and they were able to keep the actors true to their characters. They did an amazing job.

THE END

The movie is a must see. I loved how they were able to recapture the feel of the first two films (don't get me started on the third). It's funny, exciting, and wild. It will make a good date movie or a pre bar film before you have fun with the boys or girls. It's not a waste of money at all.

Buddies for life!!!

OVERALL


STORY 8 out of 10
ACTING 8 out of 10
SPECIAL EFFECTS 7 out of 10
WRITING 8 out of 10
DIRECTING 8 out of 10


OVERALL 8 out of 10 (MUST SEE)

P.S. Jim's dad is a riot as well!!!

21 JUMP STREET REVIEW (Minor Spoilers)

Fuck Yeah!

THE MOVIE: CRITIC'S TAKE

When I first heard about the 21 Jump Street movie I was floored with laughter. Hollywood has confirmed that they ran out of original ideas. After I got over my ignorance and saw the trailer I thought that this movie could be decent. I walked in expecting a half ass attempt at comedy and action. What I got was a half ass attempt at crude humor and wild antics. I liked it!!! It was funnier and more wild than I originally thought. The movie is still stupid but the people involved knew this and just wanted to have fun. It looks like they did.

STORY

Schmidt, played by Jonah Hill, is your average nerd with braces. He can't ask a girl out without choking. Jenko, played by Channing Tatum, is your average dumb jock who never took school seriously. Because of this they both missed the school prom and the best night of their lives. They met up again 7 years later at the police academy. They realize that they can benefit from one another and become friends. Once they graduated from the academy they were giving their first jobs, patrolling the local parks and beaches on bikes. Needless to say they weren't having any fun.

We won't get laid will we?

After a bad bust by Jenko they were reassigned to the rebooted jump street team. Their Captain, played by Ice Cube, is one mean motherf!!!er. He tells it how it is and holds nothing back. He tells them that they have to go back to high school and break up a drug ring that has already left one teen dead. Once in school Jenko is having a hard time adjusting to the new stereotypes while Schmidt has finally found his calling. They get in deep with the cool kids and start to crack the case. Unfortunately they begin to crack each other as well.

She wants his dick!

The tension becomes too much for the two partners and a comical fight breaks out. This leads them  being expelled from school and kicked out of jump street. Luckily their new friend is scared out of his mind because he doesn't want to go to jail or end up dead . He tells them about the exchange and asks them to come with him for backup. This leads to a funny and action packed ending that left audiences with a wide grin. It was a fun film to watch all around.

O shit!

ACTING

The acting here wasn't too shabby. Channing and Jonah came off well together as partners. Channing has gotten better at doing comedy and acting as a whole. Ice Cube was funny to see as the hard ass captain and kept everyone squeezing their ears. The best chemistry, however, was between Jonah and Brie Larson. They looked cute together as a couple and you could feel the adorableness between the two. Even the street gang delivered. Overall it looked like these actors were having fun and it showed on screen.

He was mean!

SPECIAL EFFECTS

The special effects wasn't bad either. I loved the action sequences and the highway chase scene. The gun shots sounded real enough and the atmosphere was bright and plentiful. There is a scene where a man gets castrated via a bullet to the penis. A sick scene that was meant to be funny and disturbing. I really liked how the film went retro when people got high. A nice touch to a nice film.

Let's rumble.

WRITING AND DIRECTING

The film was written by Michael Bacall and directed by Phil Lord and Chris Miller. Loved how Michael never took himself and the film too seriously. I wasn't expecting to hear some of the things that came out of the actors' mouths. The directing wasn't bad either. These two directors filmed the movie well, keeping everyone in view and nothing in the dark. Overall I wish this team works together again. They did a fine job.

THE END

The movie is a good view overall. I won't tell you not to see it in the theaters because it is a good movie but I would wait for DVD. Only because the movie should be owned and put into your DVD collection for multiple viewings. It doesn't take itself seriously which is a positive in my book. If only Miami Vice did the same.

OVERALL


STORY 7 out of 10
ACTING 7 out of 10
SPECIAL EFECTS 7 out of 10
WRITING 7 out of 10
DIRECTING 7 out of 10


OVERALL  7 out of 10 (WAIT FOR DVD)

John Carter Review (Minor Spoilers)

Who the fuck is John Carter?

THE MOVIE: CRITIC'S TAKE

What the hell is a John Carter? Where did he come from? When did he start? I heard this saga is what gave George Lucas his Star Wars. After viewing the trailer I was still a little biased. After doing some research I learned the rich history of the character and was eager to see how Disney does the adaptation. I can tell you that John Carter is worth seeing on the big screen. It's one of those love it or hate it movies. It did neither for me.

STORY

The story begins with John Carter, played by Taylor Kitsch, leaving his will to his nephew. His nephew reads his journal and learns of his great adventures. John Carter is searching for a cave full of gold when Captain Powell sends for him to join the war. He doesn't want to go and tries to escape 3 times before he is finally imprisoned. There he learns that the fourth time is a charm and manages to escape. He runs into some indians that start a minor scuffle with Powell's men. He watches Powell get shot and helps him to safety. Well at least he thought. He finds a cave with weird markings. He enters only to get attacked by a ghostly man dressing like a poor king. He kills it and mistakenly gets taken to Mars. Yes, that Mars!

I'm on Mars bitch!

Once he arrives he is astonished. He can jump really high and far and has super strength. He is taken alive by the leader of the Thrawk. He thinks he is a rare animal that can fight by his side. He doesn't know that there is a civil war going on and that a man by the name of Sab Than, played by Dominic West, is about to monopolize the planet. The only way he will stop if he marries a beautiful princess named Dejah, played by Lynn Collins. She escapes and inadvertently bumps into John Carter. They save each other but finds themselves imprisoned by the Thrawks.

O no!

The leader has a change of heart and sets them free. Dejay wants Carter to help her defend her people but Carter wants to go home. She lies to him about where they're going and he decides to bait the information out of her. This leads to an adventure that you should see. A movie that will live on forever in your heart. OK not really but it is an intense adventure and a good movie to see over the weekend.

ACTING

Blah. It all seemed forced to me. You could tell that most of the characters were acting and not feeling their roles, including Taylor Kitsch. He did have a few funny moments but overall he didn't own the role, at least in my eyes. Lynn Collins was beautiful to look at but that's about it. She also fell to the forceable entry. Mark Strong, William Dafoe, and Thomas Hayden Church made the film watchable. Their performances were the best of the crew and you could tell by their voices that they knew what they were doing. Overall don't see this for its acting.

The beautiful bride to be.

SPECIAL EFFECTS

The effects were great. The 3D wasn't. I liked the action scenes but I felt that it could have been more of a spectacle. The CGI itself wasn't a complete let down but I wouldn't compare it to Transformers or Avatar. The 3D adds nothing to the action and was a disappointment. Watch it in 2D and save some money.

Sweet!

WRITING AND DIRECTING

This movie was written by too many writers that I care not to mention and directed by Andrew Stanton. The story flowed nicely and he was able to keep the different story lines from becoming too confusing. The dialog was good but it was the actors that failed at the delivery. The directing was better than I thought. Andrew was able to capture the heart of John Carter without sacrificing quality. Overall this department did well.

THE END

It's a decent movie to see in the theaters. Just skip the 3D. It's a waste of time. Despite the acting the movie is still enjoyable. If you like adventure films then this is for you. The ending just made me smile.

Can you see me smiling?

OVERALL

STORY 7 out of 10
ACTING 5 out of 10
SPECIAL EFFECTS 7 out of 10
WRITING 7 out of 10
DIRECTING 7 out of 10

OVERALL 6 out of 10 (Not a bad film overall)

   

Hatchet 2 Review (Minor Spoilers)

O shit!

THE MOVIE: CRITIC'S TAKE

I couldn't wait to see this movie. The first Hatchet ended with me wanting more. The first movie was a comic relief from horror and I truly enjoyed it. I was hoping that the second one would carry the same weight. This film doesn't deliver the same bite the first one did but it remains a decent movie. So far the franchise is everything it was suppose to be; Wacky, disgusting, gory, tittyful fun!

STORY

It begins where the first movie left off... literally. Victor is choking the life out of Marybeth, this time played by Danielle Harris, on a row boat. She manages to get away and be saved by Jack Cracker (The one that drinks his own piss from the first movie), played by John Carl Buechler. He takes her to his cottage in the woods and informs her that she is very lucky. She tells him her full name and within moments tells her to get out. She is connected to Victor Crowley and doesn't want to get on his bad side. He threatens to kill her via a shotgun if she doesn't obey. Reluctantly she leaves heading back into town to get more information about her history with Victor. As for Jack Cracker, he wasn't so lucky.

Poor Bastard!

She returns to town and demands answers from Rev Zombie, played by Tony Todd. He tells her the real story of how Victor came to be and his death. She learns that her dad was one of the young boys who help kill him. Rev Zombie sees this as a chance to rid the swamp of Victor once and for all. He assembles a team of hunters to enter the swamp and hunt down Victor for a ransom. Danielle joins the trip but only to get the remains of her father and brother back. She doesn't know that Zombie is only using her to get her Uncle Bob into the swamp so Victor could kill him and the other boy. He thinks letting Victor have his way with the last two remaining boys, that killed him, will lift the curse. What a dick huh?

ASSHOLE

Once in the woods everyone starts getting their ass kicked. A guy gets his head cut off while banging a hot blond, a hot blond ended up banging a dead corpse until she received a Hatchet up the vagina, someone got cut in half, a person was pulled out of his own skin, and many more disturbing kills. It was freaking great! It ends similar to how the first one ended. It was a good way to make people question if this story is truly over. Let's hope not.

O shit!

ACTING

The acting here wasn't too bad. It doesn't match what the first one did but it was still enjoyable. Danielle did an OK job but I felt that the last actress was better. I couldn't feel chemistry with anyone unless they were talking to Tony Todd. He made this movie watchable and his performance as a creep was believable. The returning Parry Shen was better this time around. He played a less comical character and more of a sympathetic coward. He was the only one that I was routing for not to get killed, which tells me he did his job. Overall the acting isn't the best but it's not the worst either.

I never said this site was PG

SPECIAL EFFECTS

The effects here was good. You could tell that it was still low budget but I doubt that will matter to you. The kill scenes are the best part of the movie. Loved the part where the guy got ripped out of his own skin. That made my jaw drop. I felt that the makeup of Victor Crowley was less impressive this time. I had to take a double take to see if that was the same monster. Overall the effects aren't too shabby.

Ugly ass!!!

WRITING AND DIRECTING

The film was written and directed by Adam Green. This time around the characters were dull. He had a sad story going but failed to give it some juice. He could have done so much more with the other characters but he choose not to pull the trigger. The humor was lackluster and I failed to laugh like I did the last time. His directing has improved though. The action was in full view and the angles that he used didn't look amateurish. He learned from his past mistakes.

THE END

Overall the first one is better but the sequel does it justice. I enjoyed the deaths and story as a whole. It's a fun watch if you are into these type of films. It has it's jumps and scares that can make your stomach cringe. A decent B movie.

I had to show them titties one more time!!!

OVERALL

STORY  6 out of 10
ACTING 5 out of 10
SPECIAL EFFECTS 6 out of 10
WRITING 5 out of 10
DIRECTING 6 out of 10

OVERALL 6 out of 10 (DECENT FILM)

Project X Review (Minor Spoilers)

Fucking Awesome

THE MOVIE: CRITIC'S TAKE

This is every partiers dream. Throwing a party that will not only make you a household name but will make you infamous. Attending such a party will probably get you arrested, laid, and high. When I saw the trailer I thought this was a wet dream by Joel Silver. The movie itself is a delight and it keeps you entertained from start to finish. I wish someone would throw a party like this so I can loosen my suit and tie and run around buck naked trying to devirginize a college freshman. This movie was a lot of fun.

STORY

The movie begins with Costa, played by Oliver Cooper, inspecting his friend's home. He tells us that it's Thomas's birthday and he is throwing him a party that he will never forget. Thomas, played by Thomas Mann, is a nerd. His own father thinks he is a loser and a wimp. Costa is going to change all of that by inviting a ton of horny and fun loving teenagers. He even steals a norm that displays a middle finger.

I want to be that pop

Thomas is worried that the party will be overwhelming but Costa reassures him that everything will be under control. Too bad that wasn't the case and the party gets out of control. There are midgets being thrown in ovens, naked chicks running around, dry humping galore, angry neighbors who punch kids, people flying off rooftops and my personal favorite... SEX! Thomas does manage to hook up with his best friend but soon manages to mess it up by hooking up with the school's hottest stank. Can you blame him though?

I'll hit it many many many times

A pissed off drug dealer shows up and lights the place on fire. His father's home is destroyed and maybe even his own life. He may have lost his best friend as well and could be facing jail time. Things do end up turning out all right for some of them and Thomas eventually gets his woman. Costa becomes a pimp and the world's greatest host. It was a party of a life time.

They're fucked up

ACTING

The chemistry with the cast is special. I didn't expect these actors to be so in tune with one another. Thomas played the soft nerd well but it was Oliver that made the movie. He delivered some good lines that made the audience laugh out loud. Jonathan Daniel Brown also added some fun to the mix with his sarcasm and bad dancing. Overall the entire cast was great to watch.

Hot

SPECIAL EFFECTS

For a movie like this I wasn't expecting a lot of effects. The flamethrower scene was done nicely and felt a bit creepy. Watching the car drive into the pool with a guy on top was pretty intense. A lot of peoples jaw hit the floor when that appeared on screen. Everything looked as real as it could be which made this film even better.

Dwarf madness

WRITING AND DIRECTING

The film was written by too many writers to mention and directed by Nima Nourizadeh. The story flowed well and the dialog was music to my ears. They managed to write some of the dumbest group of characters that was able to blossom on screen. The directing wasn't too shabby either. Everything was in full view and I loved the different camera angles. This film set out to be a fun ride and they did deliver.

Yeah I would so bang her! Lucky fuck.

THE END

It's a must see movie. After watching it I wanted to go out and get drunk myself. It has humor, tits, and lots of crazy antics. Go watch it this weekend. You may get some ideas yourself.

OVERALL

STORY 6 out of 10
ACTING 8 out of 10
SPECIAL EFFECTS 8 out of 10
WRITING 7 out of 10
DIRECTING 7 out of 10

OVERALL 7 out of 10 (MUST SEE)

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Here's something extra!!!

Good Deeds Review (Minor Spoilers)

Good Deeds = Good Movie

THE MOVIE: CRITIC'S TAKE

Tyler Perry isn't someone I will say I'm a fan of. I don't watch his films because for some reason it doesn't reach me. If I want drama and to know about the struggle of the black man and woman I'll read a history book or go back to my neighborhood. However, after seeing the trailer for this film I was indeed interested. It's a little different from his other films and thought it deserved a watch. I wasn't disappointed and it's a good film to see from Tyler.
STORY

Wesley Deeds, played by Tyler Perry, has it all. He owns the Deed corporation which is expanding into new environments. He has a beautiful wife that comes from a successful family and money he can spend without a care in the world. His brother is the opposite. He drunk away his license and is now the black sheep of the family. Wesley tries to save his brother but finds himself caught in the middle of a family feud. As he is going to work he finds that someone has parked in his spot. As he investigates he notices that a little girl is in the back seat. He doesn't understand how someone can just leave a child in a car like that. Lindsey, played by Thandie Newton, had to bring him back to reality.

Things aren't also dandy over here.

Lindsey works at the corporation as a janitor. She has been recently evicted out of her home and has no where to stay. Wesley feels compelled to help her and does so. Lindsey is also facing a threat of losing her child. Social services is on her tail when they learned that she has become homeless. Wesley gives her a rent free apartment so she can keep her child. They soon fall for one another and Wesley begins to live a new life. Too bad the old one is still lingering around.

Stop hating

His soon to be wife lashes out at him for being too predictable. They soon realize that even though they love each other it may be best to just let it end. Word gets out that Wesley is having an affair with Lindsey due to his brothers drunken word. They all end up in a elevator after an intense fight. This leads to Lindsey leaving Mr. Deeds but Wesley is hell bent on getting her back. Is he successful? Watching the movie will tell you so.

ACTING

The acting here was great. Tyler Perry played the seldom son well and I could feel his transition into a wild child. The tension between the actors could be cut with a knife. Gabrielle Union played the bitchy wife well and added a bit of spice to the mix. The chemistry between Thandie and Tyler was a pleasure to see on screen. I felt that the character of Lindsey did change Wesley Deeds. Overall it was fun to watch.

Family Feud

SPECIAL EFFECTS

This isn't much to report here other than the lighting and cinematography. Both brought the film to life and made the environments believable.

O yeah!

WRITING AND DIRECTING

The film was written and directed by Tyler Perry. He did a great job keeping the pace of the film. I felt that the characters was well written and he was able to capture the passion of each. However, I did think that he had way too much going on and he didn't need to expand some of the side characters. The directing was good as well. He was able to capture everyone in view and gave close ups of their emotions to tell the story. It was a fine job by a fine man.

Go Perry!

THE END

I recommend this film for any Tyler Perry fan. He didn't drop the ball with this one. If you're not a fan then I still recommend this to you. It's a different approach than his other films but it still manages to send the message he wanted. It's worth your time.

OVERALL

STORY 7 out of 10
ACTING 7 out of 10
SPECIAL EFFECTS 7 out of 10
WRITING 7 out of 10
DIRECTING 7 out of 10

OVERALL 7 out of 10 (Worth your time)

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Act of Valor (Minor Spoilers)

Call of Duty?

THE MOVIE: CRITIC'S TAKE

The Act of Valor. More like Call of Duty the movie. I heard a lot of hype over this film and was compelled to see it. It stars actual active duty Navy Seals fighting a real life threat. It was a nice hook to sell a film but at the same time does it tell a good story? After watching the film I have to say no. It felt like I was watching a live action video game rather than a feature film.

STORY

What story? It's pretty much a straight forward Call of Duty film but I'll give it a try. It mostly evolves around two Navy Seal men who have to deal with their family and going to war for their country. Together they are tracking Islamic insurgents who want to reach U.S. borders to inflict damage upon U.S. cities. It started as a rescue mission but quickly turned into a fight for their lives. Does the men stop the insurgents and rescue the captive? Of course they do or we would be living in a different America.

Bad ass

ACTING

Yuck! What acting? The Navy Seals aren't very good showing emotion unless it's anger. I couldn't feel for any one of them despite them being real people doing very real dangerous things. I thought I would see some real emotion when it came to their families but it didn't show through the screen. A polished actor would have delivered the lines better. Overall it sucked.

Needs lessons

SPECIAL EFFECTS

Here is where the movie succeeds. It used live ammunition and real explosives that shined on screen. The action is intense and unforgiving. I was glued to my seat watching the action unfold. If you want to see the most realistic military movie out there then this is for you. Just bring a bottle of aspirin because you will get a headache.

Run

WRITING AND DIRECTING

The film was written by Kurt Johnstad and directed by Mike McCoy and Scott Waugh. Kurt wrote some intense sequences that made the movie engaging. It was everything else that stunk. The storyline was easy to follow but I found more intriguing story lines in military video games than this. I won't put the full blame on him when it comes to the characters and dialog. He didn't have good actors to make them jump from the page. The directing, however, was great. Mike and Scott was able to capture the action in full view. I loved how gritty it was and how they didn't hold back any punches when it came to violence. The only good thing of the film.

THE END

If you want brutal violence and see a bromance movie then this is for you. Other wise skip this movie. The acting is not great and the storyline itself isn't fulfilling. I would wait for video and save some money. I just wonder what's next? A live action MMA movie? Let's hope!

It's a Party

OVERALL

STORY 4 out of 10
ACTING 3 out of 10
SPECIAL EFFECTS 8 out of 10
WRITING 4 out of 10
DIRECTING 7 out of 10

OVERALL 5 out of 10 (wait for video)

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