Cowboys and Aliens Review

They can't be fucking serious?

THE MOVIE: CRITIC'S TAKE

Cowboys and Aliens? What the hell is Hollywood coming too? Adding Harrison Ford, Daniel Craig, and Olivia Wilde to the mix did nothing to help the humor surrounding this film. It's not good humor but the kind of humor where you ask "They can't be serious?" Well they were and I can tell you it was hard for me to finish this film. I didn't even want to see it in the first place but I thought that I would give it a try. At least I know what to watch when I want to watch something that can put me to sleep. I need to start listening to my gut more often.

STORY

Jake, played by Daniel Craig, wakes up in the desert with no memory at all. He finds a funny looking wristband attached to his hand, wondering what the hell just happened. He is soon confronted by some men and he takes them out James Bond style. He rides into town injured looking for medical supplies. He finds someone to help him and he quickly starts exploring the town. Not too much time passes by until he finds himself into some trouble.

Jackass

He finds a young asshole acting retarded with a gun. He shows him how a real man should act and gets him arrested. The boys father is Woodrow, played by Harrison Ford, and he's the sole reason why the town has anything. He learns of his son's stupidity and rushes to get him out but not before handling some business. Looks like someone has been killing his men and destroying his cattle. Woodrow rides into town when the rangers were going to ship his son and Jake to another county. We learn that Jake and Woodrow have some history together and he doesn't want either of them to go. This is when the aliens show up and start hogtying people to their ships!

Thanks partner

The aliens kidnap many people and the town folks want revenge. Woodrow and Jake decide to track down one of the aliens who was wounded during the battle. Ella, played by Olivia Wilde, insists on joining them. They all hunt the alien when Jake's old gang comes strolling along. It wasn't about hellos but more like face smashing time. During this encounter the aliens attack again and kidnap Ella. Jake tries to save her but she ends up dying in a crash. We learn that Ella isn't human at all but an alien from another world.

I wanna be from that world

She tells them of the aliens plans and how they destroyed her world. She helps Jack remember and Woodrow turns out he isn't the man we thought he was. Together they find the mother ship and stop the aliens from doing whatever they were trying to do. I'll leave some things left to your imagination but most of the story was a borefest. I hope that maybe you can keep your eyes open long enough to enjoy it.

What's up?

ACTING

Daniel and Harrison played their parts well but everyone else either acted the same or didn't act at all. I couldn't feel any chemistry from Craig and Olivia. It was quite sad actually. The only person I cared for was Harrison's character. Maybe because Harrison had the best performance and despite his attitude he was a likable character. Everyone else was just annoying. Piss port performances from some talented actors.

Oooo Shiny

SPECIAL EFFECTS

The special effects was the highlight of the film. The lights looked sharp and the gadgets were interesting to look at. The aliens made me laugh and the environments wanted me to throw up. You can tell that it was all a sound stage or an open area made into a western. I couldn't feel for anything in this movie and despite the decent effects it still lacked something. Maybe excitement.

I don't know what to say about this

WRITING AND DIRECTING

The movie was written by too many writers for me to mention and directed by Jon Favreau. The directing was easy on the eyes. Even during the dark scenes Jon was able to capture his characters in battle without even a haze. The writing however is bad. Pretty damn bad. It's like these characters were one dimensional and had no depth. I can see why it went through many rewrites and from my point of view it needed many more rewrites. Shame on Hollywood!

THE END

Awful! It's a skunk of a movie. I couldn't last 10 mins without wanting to leave. These actors and director can do a lot better than this. Don't waste your time. You will thank me later!

OVERALL


STORY - 3 out of 10
ACTING - 3 out of 10
SPECIAL EFFECTS - 5 out of 10
WRITING - 2 out of 10
DIRECTING - 5 out of 10


OVERALL 4 out of 10 (Don't waste your time)