Step up Revolution Review (Minor Spoilers)

Another one bites the dust

THE MOVIE: CRITIC'S TAKE

The Step Up franchise is turning into the Final Destination series. They should have stopped at 3. This series is more entertaining than many others but how long can they keep this up? Writers are struggling to come up with something decent to put on film so the movie can have a storyline and not make it feel like a 90 minute music video. They're desperate but so is every other studio. All the fans want is to be entertained and inspired. This film does deliver that with its dancing but nothing else. That's perfectly fine for a movie like this. You're only seeing it for the dancing anyway.

STORY

What story? Its pretty much the same storyline from the last 3 films except Emily, played by Kathryn McCormick, arrives in Miami to meet up with her dad. He is a business owner hell bent on destroying the Mob's neighborhood. She meets the leader of the Mob Sean, played by Ryan Guzman. She sees them in action and loves the artistic design of their performances. This drives a knife between her and her dad as she wants to help them with their struggle while she lives her dream of being a dancer. There is another contest brewing that can earn them sponsorship but her dad has other plans. Together, the dancers devise a plan that will either save their neighborhood or just give the business personal headaches. Can their dancing save the day? It opens on Friday July 27th nationwide.

ACTING

Well let me put this nicely. You're not paying for the acting are you? Let's hope not because you might vomit afterwards. The acting in this series was never good with a few exceptions. The character Moose returns and brings the fun with him. That's about it. The performances are flat and forced. I couldn't feel any kind of chemistry with the crew in this department. It's not good acting but that's something we can live with when it comes to films like this.

O she's in it too!

SPECIAL EFFECTS

The look of the film is great for your eyes. Everything pops on screen and grabs your attention. The 3D does add more fun to the dance routines. The best part of the film is the dancing. The dancers were able to flow together to create some interesting pieces of art. Dancing is what you came for and they did not disappoint.

Sweet!

WRITING AND DIRECTING

The movie is written by Jenny Mayer and directed by Scott Speer. The story does manage to flow at a decent pace. It won't have you bored but the dialog is pretty bad. She tried too hard to have her characters come off cool and inspirational. The directing is pretty solid. The guy was able to capture the dancing in a way the other films couldn't do. The film had a vision and he was able to make it come to light.

THE END

Overall the film kind of sucks. It's only the dancing that makes the film worth seeing. The 3D does help bring it to life but if you saw the last one you know how they are going to use it. If you're into dancing films then this is for you. Other than that skip it. It'll be out on DVD soon.

OVERALL

STORY 4 out of 10
ACTING 3 out of 10
SPECIAL EFFECTS/DANCING 7 out of 10
WRITING 3 out of 10
DIRECTING 7 out of 10

OVERALL 5 out of 10 (SKIP IT)

The Dark Knight Rises Review (Minor Spoilers)

It's about damn time!

THE MOVIE: CRITIC'S TAKE

It's been 4 years since we saw The Dark Knight. It has been credited as one of the best films ever made. It won Health Ledger the Oscar for best actor and changed how comic book movies need to be made. Some people wondered if Nolan could top himself with the third and final installment. I can say he didn't but the film does live up to the hype. It's just as good as The Dark Knight and is a fitting closer to an epic trilogy.

STORY

It's been 8 years since Bruce Wayne has dawned the dark knight costume. Gotham is in a state of peace. Harvey Dent's memory is still being kept alive and no one is aware of the truth. Selina Kyle, played by Anne Hathaway, is at an event at Wayne manor and happens to kidnap a very important person from the police force. She also manages to get her hands on Bruce Wayne's finger prints as well as his curiosity.

I'm in love

He learns that she is a cat burglar and is working for someone. He also gets wind of a super criminal known as Bane. He learns that he was kicked out of the League of Shadows and has gathered himself his own army. Together they take over Gotham's trading system and causes Wayne to go broke. He learns that Bane is working for someone on his board of directors and asks Selina for help. This proves to be a huge mistake.

That's one big motherfucker!

She leads him into a trap. Bane challenges him to a showdown and proceeds to beat the shit out of him. Not only does Batman get his ass kicked but Bane breaks his back. He takes over Gotham for several months, holding the rich and powerful hostages. He unleashes all the criminals and encourages them to take what is theirs. Bruce is sent to a prison stationed in a pit and it's there where he will either find his true self or die trying. Can the bat regain his composer and take back his city or will Bane end Gotham along with Batman? The movie is 3 hours long but it's well worth it.

ACTING

The acting here is almost flawless. The chemistry is solid with everyone involved. Anne Hathaway played a great Selina Kyle and proved she deserved the role. Tom Hardy was menacing and made me think that Batman didn't have a chance. Gary Oldman played the tortured soul well also. Throughout the movie he seemed like he wanted to break down and cry at any moment. Joseph Gordon Levitt kept the chemistry alive with his slick but toned presence. He worked well with both sides of Christian Bale, which shined on screen. If you loved the acting in The Dark Knight then you will love this film. 

We're too old for this shit!

SPECIAL EFFECTS

The film looks great from all fronts. I'm glad Nolan doesn't use a lot of computer graphics in his films. It reminds me of the old days of film where live action ruled the world. The IMAX scenes were breathtaking and in your face. The fight scenes were gritty and brutal and not over the top like most comic book films are. Overall this film is easy on the eyes.

She stole the bat pod?

WRITING AND DIRECTING

The film was written by the Nolan brothers and directed by Christopher Nolan. They put together a well crafted story that exploded on screen. There were some story lines that weren't needed or dragged on too long but that can be forgiven. The directing was great overall but man Nolan needs to film fight scenes better. He's a great director but when it comes to his fight scenes it looks like a rookie filmed it. I know he wanted it to be gritty but he could have directed it better. The WWE films their backstage fights better than Nolan does.

THE END

The film is a must see. The trilogy ends with a bang. It has twists and turns that no one saw coming. It doesn't surpass the last one but it does hang tough with it. Grab an IMAX viewing if you can. It will make your eyes explode.

OVERALL

STORY 8 out of 10
ACTING 8 out of 10
SPECIAL EFFECTS 8 out of 10
WRITING 8 out of 10
DIRECTING 6 out of 10

OVERALL 8 out of 10 (MUST SEE)

The Amazing Spiderman Review (Minor Spoilers)

I'm back bitches!

THE MOVIE CRITIC'S TAKE

When I first heard about the reboot I thought "So soon?"
I didn't understand why Sony wanted to do the Spiderman story over again after having a successful one with Sam Raimi. It has something to do with Sony not wanting Disney to get the rights back to their characters. I swear businesses can be real douches. Anyway does this movie live up to expectations? I say it succeeds them. It's a gritty approach but it's a fun ride as well.

STORY

This time around the film opens with Peter playing hide and go seek with his father. The dad finds Peter in his home office but sees it trashed. He quickly packs up Peter and sends him to live with his Aunt and Uncle. Fast forward to high school and Peter is one big nerd. He is barely noticed and continues to get bullied by Flash. It seems that though one girl is noticing him. A girl by the name of Gwen Stacy, played by Emma Stone.

She wants to fuck him!

Peter finds his dad's old briefcase and unwraps some interesting documents. He goes to Oscorp to find some answers but finds himself becoming a science project. He gets bitten by a super spider and turns into a super human. He falls asleep on a train and encounters some dirt bags. He realizes he can kick butt, rip away poles, and steal women shirts. He learns he can do a lot more and starts helping the local police do their job. One problem though, they don't like it.

Like him

He also has another issue. Dr. Curt Conners has turned himself into a man lizard. He goes insane and believes that he is the superior species. He thinks up a plan that will turn every New Yorker into a mad lizard. With the cops on his trail can Spiderman stop the lizard from turning everyone into scales? Let's hope so or there would be no Sequel.

ACTING

The acting was great. Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield had great chemistry together. They looked cute and shy and played off their relationship like it was real. Denis Leary was fun to watch and Martin Sheen reminded me of the Uncle Ben from the comics. Rhys Ifans also played his part well. He didn't seem evil but a guy that was confused and angry and wanted to make the world better. I think this crew did their characters justice and made the film enjoyable.

They look like a real family.

SPECIAL EFFECTS

The effects didn't live up to the first Spiderman film but they aren't bad. The effects are on the grittier side and they aren't too over the top. The 3D was ok at times but there are scenes that just doesn't pop like they should. The fight scenes don't hold a candle to the others but they still manage to grab your attention. Overall the effects weren't anything to shake your head at.

Pretty cool

WRITING AND DIRECTING

This film was written by way too many writers to care for and directed by Marc Webb. The writers managed to deliver a well thought out origin story with action and suspense. What they did better than the other films were the dramatic approach and not keeping his identity a secret. There was a time in the movie where I thought Spiderman was going to fail. Marc did a so-so job as the film's director. I wasn't too impressed with him in this film. I can't put my finger on it but a few of his shots and direction felt like they were off. This is his first real action movie and in time he will get better, I hope.

THE END

The film is a must see. It's a decent retelling of the same old story. It goes deeper this time around, involving his parents and the mystery behind Osbourne. They seem to be building him up as a menacing character for the future. I see good things for this franchise if they keep the same team. I would avoid the 3D though. It really wasn't needed.

OVERALL

STORY 7 out of 10
ACTING 7 out of 10
SPECIAL EFFECTS 7 out of 10
WRITING 7 out of 10
DIRECTING 6 out of 10

OVERALL 7 out of 10 (MUST SEE)

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter Review (Minor Spoilers)

Presidential Ass Kicker

THE MOVIE: CRITIC'S TAKE

When people first heard about the film they filled the world with laughter. Good old honest Abe was a vampire hunter and president? I smell a small case of bullshit. People said that they couldn't believe that Hollywood would steep that low to make a buck. The real problem with these people is that they talk out of their ass about a subject they know nothing about. This story is an adaptation of a book written by Seth Grahame - Smith. The book found an audience due to its unusual storytelling and injecting fantasy into the real world. The book is a must read but will this film follow suit? Of course not... the book is always better.

STORY

It starts with Abraham Lincoln as a child. His father is paying off his debt when Abe witnesses his friend being beaten. He tries to help but only manages to get his father into trouble with his debt collector. Turns out the collector is a vampire and kills his mother. As Abe grows up he resents the man that destroyed his family. He gains the courage to kill his mother's murderer, by means of getting drunk, and attacks him. This proves to be almost fatal but is saved by one powerful vampire hunter named Henry, played by Dominic Cooper.

Isn't he dreamy?

He teaches Abe everything he needs to learn about vampires. He sends him on his way to do Henry's will but is not allowed to kill the one vamp that he desires. During his adventures he meets a young woman named Mary Todd, played by Mary Elizabeth Winstead. He courts her away from his future presidential opponent and marries her. His adventures has caught the attention of a powerful vampire named Adam, played by Rufus Sewell. He believes that Abe and Henry will detour his plans of taking over America and sends him a message. The message is to kill his lover the same way his mother died.

I think he gets the message.

He ends up saving his wife and his friends life from Adam and his vamps. He learns that he will have to save America from the political front, not the battlefield. He becomes president and soon realizes that the south is using vampires to help them in the war. Mary bears Abe's child but that is short lived. Adam has the child killed which sends the Lincolns into dismay. Abe and Henry make a plan to save the war, America, and to put a stop to Adam's plan. The question is how much are they willing to lose?

ACTING

Overall the acting wasn't too bad. I did think Benjamin Walker played his role well. He wasn't trying to act like a president but a killing machine. I will say that the chemistry was lacking with many of the actors. I didn't buy Benjamin and Mary as love interests and his moments with his friends felt forced. Rufus had the best performance in this movie and it seemed like he was the only one that cared. The acting isn't horrible but you can tell they were just acting. Many of them couldn't fall into their roles.

I'm going to eat your friends

SPECIAL EFFECTS

The effects were not impressive at all. I've seen much better and I think most of you has as well. The train scene looked like something out of a video game and the vampires were more laughable than scary. I couldn't feel the terror ooze come from the screen. The clothing and atmosphere did capture the feel of that era but overall this department was a disappointment. They could have done a lot better with the budget they had.

The only cool part of the movie.

WRITING AND DIRECTING

The film was written by Seth Grahame - Smith and directed by Timur Bekmambetov. Seth wrote the book and the screenplay. The book is much better and has a decent pace but the movie doesn't follow suit. The dialog is laughable and everything is predictable. The directing was decent though. He was able to capture the movie in full view and made the film watchable. I just can't get past how this movie feels more like a video game than an actual film.

THE END

Skip it. Wait for Netflix or Redbox. It's not worth your money. It's hardly worth your time. It's one of those movies that you might catch on HBO and say to yourself "So glad I skipped that crap."

OVERALL

STORY 5 out of 10
ACTING 4 out of 10
SPECIAL EFFECTS 5 out of 10
WRITING 5 out of 10
DIRECTING 6 out of 10

OVERALL SCORE 5 out of 10 (Skip it)

ROCK OF AGES Review (Minor Spoilers)

Musical on crack

THE MOVIE: CRITIC'S TAKE

When I first heard about this movie I didn't know too much about it. I knew it was a Broadway musical that won many awards. Rock of Ages is a rock musical that can be enjoyed by many. I am a fan of a few musicals but I can honestly say that this isn't my type of genre. After watching the movie I will have to change my mind. It put a smile on my face all the way through. I never saw the musical but after watching this movie, it makes me want too. If you're a fan of musicals then I suggest you see it this weekend. It's nothing but a good time.

STORY

A young woman named Sherrie, played by Julianne Hough, dreams of being a star. She moves to the Sun Set Strip and works at the Bourbon Room as a waitress. Her new found friend Drew , played by Diego Bonata, gets her the job after her suitcase was stolen. There is some tension going on at the Bourbon Room. The owner Dennis , played by Alec Baldwin, and his sidekick Lonny, played by Russell Brand, fears that the night club may close. The mayor's wife, played by Catherine - Zeta Jones, wants to clean up the strip and close down the Bourbon. Together they manage to get Stacee Jaxx, played by Tom Cruise, to play there. He just split from his band and is looking to show the world how good he is. Despite this the mayor's wife still wants to close the room. Tensions spill over to everyone's life and looks like Sherrie's dream may not come to pass. Can the club owner keep his club open or will the mayor's wife flush them down the toilet? You will need to go to the movies and get your rock on to find out.

ACTING

Just phenomenal! Tom Cruise rocked this role. He was the best one in the film. He had chemistry with everyone he touched and should get an Oscar nod for his performance. Alec Baldwin did wonders with his role as well. He and Russell Brand was a delight to see together and made me believe that they were really pals. Catherine was more annoying than useful and her singing was laughable. Mary J Blidge surprisingly pulled a great performance that left the crowd in awe. Overall, the performances were solid and it looked like they were having a great time.

I'm the fucking man baby!

SPECIAL EFFECTS

The effects were great. It looked like I was watching a real life concert. The pyro and the lighting made them look like real rock stars. I loved the 80s feel and how Tom acted like a pimped out Axl Rose. They made this film into one big spectacle.

Rock on!

WRITING AND DIRECTING

This movie is written by too many writers to care for and directed by Adam Shankman. The writers made the characters bigger than life and the star wannabes naive idiots. The story went on too long but I loved the singing and performances. They really fell into their roles and left themselves at home. They did throw too many songs in though which made the film stretch on too long. Adam did a wonderful job directing. This film looks like one big rock concert full of joy and despair. If this film was shorter it would be a masterpiece.

THE END

This movie is fun. It has some of the best rock songs from the 80s, featuring some cool actors. I will say that this film lasts too long and should have been made shorter. Other than that, this film should bring a smile to your face. It's a rocking good time and one of Tom Cruise's best performances. Enjoy!

OVERALL

STORY 7 out of 10
ACTING 9 out of 10
SPECIAL EFFECTS 8 out of 10
WRITING 7 out of 10
DIRECTING 8 out of 10

OVERALL 8 out of 10 (MUST SEE)

Prometheus Review (Minor Spoilers)

Alien Prequel?

THE MOVIE: CRITIC'S TAKE

A long time ago Ridley Scott and James Cameron expressed interest in making a prequel to Alien. This movie was to explain the space jockey found at the aliens' ship. Egos prevailed and James decided to run for the door, but not Ridley Scott. Instead he continued on the project and decided to make this film stand alone. Then he changed his mind again and decided to put this in the same universe as Aliens and Predators. So is this a prequel or not? Looks like it is but the movie manages to still separate itself from the other films. It's a unique film that explains a lot but leaves you wanting more.

STORY

Why were we made? That was the question bothering religious archaeologists Charlie, played by Logan Marshall Green, and Elizabeth Shaw, played by Noomi Rapace. They found paintings, showing the same diagram from different cultures, all over the world. This makes them believe that they were created by aliens. This also grabs the attention of Peter Weyland, played by Guy Pearce. He enlists a crew of 17 to check out the exact location. Meredith, played by Charlize Theron, is heading the operation along with an android named David, played by Micheal Fassbender. She instructs the archaeologists not to make contact under any circumstances. The archaeologists learn that the Weyland corporation has its own agenda but can't put their finger on it. What they really needed to worry about was that android.

Sneaky little bastard

After finding the site they were looking for they investigate the area. They learn that they did indeed come from an alien race and looks like they were engineered for a purpose. Shaw manages to get one of the engineers head and brings it back to the ship. David also manages to sneak away with an alien substance. He puts the substance in one of Logan's drinks. This causes Logan to get very sick and Meredith has no choice but to put him out of his misery. Little did they know that their misery had just begun.

Ah shit!

Shaw learns that she has become pregnant from Logan's super sperm. The Weyland Corp wants to freeze her long enough to get her back to Earth but she has other plans. She escapes and performs a C section via a mechanical machine. What came out of her looked like a squid on steroids. We learn that Peter Weyland was on board the ship the whole time and that David has been working for him. There is one engineer still alive and Peter wants to know if it can save him from certain death. What it does is kick the living shit out of everyone and sets his sight on earth. Can Elizabeth and the rest of the crew stop the engineer from destroying the entire human race? Probably not.

We're fucked!

ACTING

The acting here was great. Everyone seemed to have chemistry with one another. You could cut the tension with a knife with some of the actors. Micheal was able to deliver with everyone he spoke too. Charlize did as well and I think her playing villains is a great career move. These characters make you want them to survive or die horrible deaths. When you want one person to make it out alive and the other to be crushed to death, getting her just due, you did your job.

They don't pay us enough

SPECIAL EFFECTS

The special effects are breathtaking. They did a fine job with detail and suspense. The aliens looked real enough to pass as terrifying. The last half hour truly showed how far we came in special effects. The 3D does make this film better in every way. They didn't have things jump out at you or poke you in the eye, but added depth to the environment and the terror as whole. I wish more horror/thrillers fellow suit.

I'm just speechless

WRITING AND DIRECTING

The film was written by Jon Spaihts and Damon Lindelof. They put together a unique story from all religious prospects. The dialog seemed natural and the story flows at decent pace. They managed to add an intriguing storyline with suspense and thrills. Ridley Scott was able to capture the fear of everyone involved. The way he filmed this movie makes you gasp for air and cringe in disgust. I'm glad he returned to the Sci-Fi genre because it needs more directors like him.

THE END

The movie is a must see. It has an interesting story and explains a lot about the alien franchise. It does this indirectly while giving us a whole new world to explore.You will see the first face hugger and an ancestor of the aliens you came to love. It is an intriguing film and makes you ask the question "Where did we come from?"

OVERALL

STORY 8 out of 10
ACTING 7 out of 10
SPECIAL EFFECTS 8 out of 10
WRITING 7 out of 10
DIRECTING 8 out of 10

OVERALL 8 out of 10 (Must See)

Snow White And The Huntsman Review (Minor Spoilers)

What the bloody hell?

THE MOVIE: CRITIC'S TAKE

When I first heard of this movie I had it confused with Mirror Mirror. I thought Tarsem Singh was directing and was highly disappointed when I learned of my misinformation. No worries though, this film still sports the underrated Kristen Stewart and the overrated Chris Hemsworth. The pretty Charlize Theron is playing The Queen and the special effects didn't seem all that bad. Still, I thought that the cast would fail at chemistry and destroy the movie. Luckily this turned out false but still left a bad taste in my mouth. No matter how hard I tried getting into this film I couldn't help but feel something was off.

STORY

The story begins with Snow White as a child. She is the most beautiful lady of the land and is admired throughout. She is able to bring joy to whomever she sees and blah blah blah, you heard the story before no doubt. Her father, however, had to deal with the lose of his wife from a deadly disease. An army of witchcraft saw this as the perfect time to start a war. The father charges into battle only to be greeted by an army made of glass. After dispatching the army he rescues a beautiful woman named Ravenna, played by Charlize Theron. He instantly falls in love and marries her the next day. She informs him that she was behind the attack by stabbing him in the chest. She lets in her real army and takes over his kingdom, imprisoning Snow White at the top of the tower. She was a real bitch to say the least.

Milf

Fast forward about a decade later and The Queen is showing her age. She needs to consume youth from women and men in order to look young. She asks the mirror who's the most fairest of all. The mirror busts her bubble and tells her it's Snow White, but in order to remain her young self she needs to eat the heart of Snow White. She commands her brother to bring her in but he fails to do so. He allowed his horny self to talk too much and Snow White managed to escape. The Queen orders a Huntsman played by, Chris Hemworth, to bring the princess to her, in exchange that she will bring his dead wife back to life. You can guess what he agreed too.

Dumbass

Once he finds Snow White she informs him that The Queen is a liar. The brother spills the beans and tells The Huntsman the truth. The Huntsman proceeds to save Snow White countless times throughout the rest of the story. He learns of her true nature and wants to protect her. Meanwhile, her childhood friend is also out looking for her and wants to redeem himself for leaving her behind. Can her friend find her and make things right? Will Snow White regain her thrown and kill The Queen? Will the Huntsman fall in love with Snow White and break her curse? The questions have already been answered if you watch the trailer closely.

Joan of Arc?

ACTING

The acting was pretty decent overall. It felt like Chris and Kristen had the most chemistry out of the bunch. I enjoyed the other cast members performances but it all seemed to fail once they starting talking to Kristen. It was like she sucked the talent right out of them. Charlize Theron played The Queen well but was too over dramatic for my taste. Charlize knows how to act and pulled one of the best performances in this film. Overall the acting isn't bad but it's not a home run either.

Milk

SPECIAL EFFECTS

I enjoyed the look of the film and the CGI. The effects are eye popping and somewhat gut - wrenching. I liked the battle scenes and how they made the dark forest come to life.  The witches magic looked as evil as it could be without giving it a R rating. You can tell they wanted to make it darker but the studio wouldn't let their guard down. Despite that most of you should be happy with the outcome in this department.

O shit

WRITING AND DIRECTING

The film was written by too many writers to care about and directed by Rupert Sanders. The story took to long to pick up and when it did I wasn't satisfied. They talked a lot and gave us nothing to excite us. I got bored real quick. The dialog is believable and I liked how they made The Huntsman act like a drunk Thor. It brightened up some of the dark sides of the script. The directing was spot on and I saw nothing wrong in this department. I know the director wanted to balance the film with story and action but it didn't click. He did the best he could and it shows on camera.

THE END

The film is worth a view but not on the big screen. I would advise to wait for video. You might fall asleep before the action starts. Other wise the film is pretty decent and gives a unique take on Snow White. The Brothers Grimm might be proud if they were still alive. On second thought... probably not.

Kristen Stewart as Snow White? Fuckers!

OVERALL


STORY 5 out of 10
ACTING 6 out of 10
SPECIAL EFFECTS 7 out of 10
WRITING 5 out of 10
DIRECTING 8 out of 10


OVERALL 6 out of 10 (WAIT FOR DVD)

MEN IN BLACK 3 REVIEW (MINOR SPOILERS)

O yeah!

THE MOVIE: CRITIC'S TAKE

It's been awhile since we seen Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith together. At first I thought this movie would never be made. Tommy is getting old and it shows. Will is the biggest actor in Hollywood so you know his paycheck is large. It's not like either man needed the money and the series seemed to have come to an end. I'm glad that they continued their adventures and decided not to go with a closing story. This movie, instead, explained their relationship and brought their past, present, and future to full circle.

STORY

The story begins with a hot piece of ass bringing a prisoner some cake. It's not an ordinary cake but a cake baked with a parasite. The parasite manages to deliver some mayhem before joining his former master. Together they break out of a prison, set on the moon, to get revenge on Agent K, played by Tommy Lee Jones. It seems that Agent K took his arm and ended his entire race. Seems as though his vengeance is justified.

That ass is mine

Agent J, played by Will Smith, and K are still having partner problems. It's been over a decade and Agent K has yet to get personal. Agent J is curious to know why K is so anti social but his new boss Agent O, played by Emma Thompson, wants him to keep his mouth shut. After an encounter with Boris The Animal, the escaped convict from the moon, Agent K is disturbed. Agent J wants answers but is denied at every turn. He gets a phone call from Agent K telling him that there are some secrets best not known. Agent  J will wish he never hung up the phone because soon after, Agent K is killed... that's in the past of course.

Not today?

Agent J is now in a new future without K and the world is turning into a real mess. Boris The Animal managed to keep his race alive and is now invading earth. Agent O tells Agent J that he needs to time jump and go back into the past to save Agent K. He does just that and realizes that Agent K wasn't always so uptight. I would give away more but that will take the fun out of going to the theaters.

ACTING

The acting was spot on. Josh Brolin nailed Tommy Lee Jones character. It was like looking into the past and seeing a younger version of your favorite character. The chemistry was there and it seemed like everyone was having fun. Jemaine Clement played a great villain. He was believable as a threat and made me think he was capable of pulling it off. Overall the acting is very good and I can't think of anyone who disappointed the audience.

Team work!

SPECIAL EFFECTS

The special effects are great. Loved the CGI and how they were able to capture the feel of the sixties. The CGI may come off as cartoonish for some parts but it was meant to be that way. The aliens looked unique and oddly reminded me of the Fifth Element. Overall they did a fantastic job.

Ain't he cute?

WRITING AND DIRECTING

The film was written by Etan Cohen and directed by Lowell Cunningham. The story is able to flow well and Etan was able to capture the chemistry and feel of all the main characters. The dialog was OK but I thought Will Smith tried too hard to make some of it come off as funny. The directing was decent at best. I felt that something was missing in this department. The 3D didn't help matters either. The film is well written but the directing may have needed more work.

THE END

The film is a must see. It brings all three movies together and it was a fun ride. What I mean by that is that it brings K and J's relationship to a whole new depth and height. The movie doesn't end the series but keeps it going. I wouldn't be surprised if a 4th one is made in the near future.

OVERALL

STORY 7 out of 10
ACTING 8 out of 10
SPECIAL EFFECTS 7 out of 10
WRITING 7 out of 10
DIRECTING 6 out of 10

OVERALL 7 out of 10 (WORTH SEEING)

Battleship Review (Minor Spoilers)

Hollywood is fucking high

THE MOVIE: CRITIC'S TAKE

....................../´¯)
....................,/¯../
.................../..../
............./´¯/'...'/´¯¯`·¸
........../'/.../..../......./¨¯\
........('(...´...´.... ¯~/'...')
.........\.................'...../
..........''...\.......... _.·´
............\..............(
..............\.............\...

Yeah that's how I feel for wasting my damn time!


STORY


The one question that dwindles in our minds are if we're alone. In this movie that question was answered when scientists found a planet that is in the right spot to create life. They decided to send a message to the planet, hoping to make contact. This proves to be a stupid move. Commander Stone, played by Alexander Skarsgard, is having a hard time keeping his brother in line. He is a loser that would rather steal a chicken burrito for a hot girl than to get a job. Due to his latest fuck up Commander Stone tells him that he has to join the Navy or be his little bitch forever. He agrees but only because that little stunt of his won him the heart of the beautiful Sam, played by Brooklyn Decker. Yes you can roll your eyes now.

Like him

He is trying to ask her father if he could marry her (like that matters now a days) but he is too afraid of him. That's because he knows that he's a major fuck up and doesn't deserve his daughter. He eventually gets told that he's getting kicked out of the Navy and this will be his final test run. Distraught he and his team set out to the waters for a testing drill, when they come into contact with deadly aliens. This turns into a heated battle of wits that only the navy, of many different countries, can fight. Can they put their differences aside and win the war against worlds? You can guess the answer.

Yeah good luck with that.

ACTING

Horrible! I felt that Taylor Kirsch character was more of a special needs student than an actual Navy Seal. Rihanna did a great job when she wasn't trying to be a bad ass. She came off cute and funny but her acting like a soldier was cringe worthy. I can see her doing comedies or having smaller roles but action is not for her, at least not yet. Alex and Liam Neeson was the best ones here but there isn't enough screen time for them for you to enjoy. Shame because they could have saved this film.

O get a damn room

SPECIAL EFFECTS

The only good part about this movie. The effects are great and eye popping. I loved the battle scenes because they did get you off your feet. The CGI is great and it does not disappoint. I wish I could say the same for everything else.

The only good thing

WRITING AND DIRECTING

The film was written by Jon and Erich Hoeber and directed by Peter Berg. I don't know what the Hoebers were thinking but the dialog is a mess, the characters suck, and nothing is believable. The directing, however, was great. Peter did a great job turning this boring movie into an action packed adventure. I actually wish they went the Michael Bay route with this film because the writers need to learn a little something about character development and telling an intriguing story.

THE END

Don't bother watching it. I urge you to save your money and see the Avengers again. This is a complete waste of time. I can say that the action and special effects is the only reason I'm not sending this into the toilet. One of the worst movies of the year!

OVERALL

STORY 2 out of 10
ACTING 4 out of 10
SPECIAL EFFECTS 8 out of 10
WRITING 3 out of 10
DIRECTING 7 out of 10

OVERALL 4 out of 10 (SKIP THIS PIECE OF CRAP)

Dark Shadows Review (MINOR SPOILERS)

Dark and Funny... for some

THE MOVIE: CRITIC'S TAKE

Not too many of you know that this film was once a TV show. Not any TV show but a hit. It was suspenseful, rich in goth detail, and the first real show about loving a vampire, way before Buffy and Angel and all this Twilight mess. You can call the show an original piece of art. A few decades later and the new generation just laughs at it. Tim Burton decided to turn this drama show into a comedic satire of the 70s. The film itself isn't bad, it's just not for everyone from either generation. The only saving grace of this film was Johnny Depp. What role can't this guy play?

STORY

Barnabas Collins, played by Johnny Depp, was born into a rich family. He watched as his parents turned their misfortune into a pot of gold. He wasn't the only one though. Angelique, played by Eva Green, was obsessed with Barnabas. She becomes his live in maid and lover and watches as he fondles every woman that crosses his path. He does fall in love with his dream girl and marries her. This pisses Angelique off and makes Barnabas life hell. She first kills his parents and then sends his beloved wife over a cliff. He commits suicide by jumping in after her only to learn that she cursed him as a vampire! That Bitch!

A nasty one at that!

She is able to convince a mob to trap Barnabas in a coffin for 197 years. Once freed he goes on a killing spree to quince his thirst. He realizes that he is in a new world facing the McDonald dragon. The only thing he cares about though is fixing the family business and helping his family. Elizabeth Collins, played by Michelle Pfeiffer, tells him that the family business is in ruins and the the fortune is non existent. Barnabas convinces her to let him stay in exchange that he restarts the family business and keeps his dark secret a secret. There is one problem though. Angelique still runs the town.

Like a diva

He also falls for the governess Winters, played by Bella Heathcote. She looks like his late wife and wants to make her his bride. This pisses of Angelique once again and offers him the town in exchange for his love. He tells her fuck no and vows to take her down. She's no fool and traps him in a new environment. An unlikely hero comes to his rescue but is the damage too late? Angelique is going to attack his family and Barnabas may not be strong enough to stop her. What can a vampire and a whack family do?

Besides looking like the Addams Family

ACTING

The acting here was great for a comedy like this. The chemistry between the actors are great and believable. Chloe Moretz plays the sexually frustrated teenager. She was awesome as a brat but when she tried to be sexy I couldn't help but put my head down. It didn't work. What did work was Johnny Depp. He owned his role and pretty much single handily made this movie worth watching. He brought the best out of all his actors and gave the film what it needed. Eva Green did a great job too but not with just her words but her facial expressions as well. However, if it wasn't for Depp this movie wouldn't be all that good.

She was alright too

SPECIAL EFFECTS

The effects here were lovely. I loved the 70s setting. It was like going back in time and watching an era. The blood is never too much and the action is an enjoyable experience. The cracking of the witch was a nice touch. It reminded me of a mannequin with imperfections. Overall this department did a fine job.

What a diva!

WRITING AND DIRECTING

The film was written by Seth Smith and Directed by Tim Burton. Seth wrote some interesting dialog. Not once did I feel that anything was unnatural. The story flowed with a decent pace that didn't leave you bored. I wasn't too happy with the ending because they threw to much at us in a short time. Tim Burton is his usual weird self. He gave us unique artistry which brought this movie to life. He is one of the best directors in Hollywood and this film shows it.

THE END

The movie is worth a watch. It would make a good date movie and it's good for a few laughs. Johnny Depp is amazing in this film. He is a great actor and one day will win an Oscar. He made the movie what it is. Like I said it's not for everyone but the film is still worth a shot. You might be one of those that love it.

OVERALL


STORY - 7 out of 10
ACTING - 8 out of 10
SPECIAL EFFECTS - 7 out of 10
WRITING - 7 out of 10
DIRECTING - 8 out of 10


OVERALL - 7 out of 10 (GIVE IT A SHOT)